However you are restricted a bit with this theme, and you must always keep things clean with the “Categories” app from Cydia. This theme could be customizable if you’re comfortable with SSH’ing into your phone. If you like simplicity and elegance, and don’t mind keeping everything in two folder (like myself), this theme could suit you well!
So I am always registering to win pointless crap. Because let's face it, I am one cheapskate bitch and I love me some free shit. But I never win. Ever. Well, today I got an email telling me that I had won a prize that I had registered for like a month ago.... I thought it was a scam until I went and saw that I had in fact won! I won a brand new Moxi DVR with a lifetime subscription anddd a lifetime subscription to Google Voice Mobile! I am so damn excited!
How funny is this shit? I saw this picture and about peed my pants. Apparently, Heidi and Spencer are on this season of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. They sure are playing it fast and loose with the word celebrity these days. Anyway, these douches have made it through 2 days of filming and have quit that bitch twice already. They are upset over the living conditions they are being "forced" to stay in annnnnd get this, they think that the other celebs that are on the show are very low caliber. Wait, the OTHER celebs are low caliber? Who do they have on there? Who is seriously lower caliber than Heidi and Spencer?! Also, Heidi was heard saying that they could have at least got a real celebrity, like K-Fed on the show. Hahahahahahaha..... I'm just going to leave it at that.
Well, I was watching the MTV Movie Awards, minding my own business and saw Megan Fox and thought 3 things:
Glee is a new show on FOX that I have fallen in love with. A couple of weeks ago I TiVoed this show and let me tell you, I was impressed. I've watched it all the way through twice and have re-screened the performance numbers more times than I can count. It's becoming a little ridiculous. I may have to join some kind of support group. The series, which centers around a outcast-filled high school glee club, completely won me over. But it's the performance scenes that truly keep me coming back. My favorite is a cover of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'." I even downloaded that shit to my computer and my iPod. You'll have to tune in this fall to see what I mean, because the pilot episode was pretty damn awesome. Go to Hulu and check it out! And after you do let me know what you think about it. The trailer is below. Doesn't it just fill you with, well, glee?
Just when you thought the world was safe from evil hoes, Marilyn Manson shows his scary ass face again... I haven't ever figured out why in the world he was famous/popular when I was in middle and high school. There were girls in my class that would give their right tit for him. So I remember looking his ass up online to see what the fuss was about, and thinking "are they really talking about this skinny pale ass white fucker?" It was all lost on me, and I like all music to a degree. And I do I have to admit some of his songs are catchy, but this mofo is creepy. I just don't get it. Anymissingribs, here he is on Thursday in NYC being creepy. Apparently, he is working on new music.... Imma need him to work on a new look, I mean he is almost 50 and this shit just isn't working for him anymore. (Not that it ever worked for him) He still looks like Paul Pfeiffer from The Wonder Years.
Multi-platinum band 311 is pleased to announce that their highly anticipated new album, Uplifter, will be released on June 2. Uplifter is the band's first studio record in three years and was produced by the legendary Bob Rock. As the title suggests, the band's new album is an uplifting collection of 311's trademark blend of rock & reggae; elevated by inspired songwriting, dynamic musicianship and big anthemic choruses. A deluxe edition of Uplifter will include a special DVD documentary, "The Road to 311 Day," directed by Wayne Price. The documentary, including interviews, backstage footage and live performances, follows the band and their fans for the week leading up to the 3-11 Day concert event in New Orleans in 2008.
So I am just going to lay it all on the line: I saw ‘Wolverine’ last night and although it isn't an epic revolution, it is fun and should be seen if for no other reason then to get the bad taste of all the other new shitty movies (with the exception of Obsessed) out of your mouth. With that being said, I did enjoy the movie and will probably see it again...
So, clearly I can't quit the Hills. I have tried cold turkey, worn the patch, and even tried the Gossip Girl method. None of these worked, so I gave in and decided to keep watching. And I am so glad that I did!!! It was so eventful and so awesome, I was glued to my tv screen for the full hour!
OK, boys and girls, we've come to agree that farts are funny,farts are great, farts we can appreciate. We already know that farts can save your life, farts are healthy, can be stealthy, and an indicator of an upcoming fecal event, so let's take a look at the different kids of farts we can enjoy, or be appalled by. This list was compiled by an expert fart panel that takes into consideration many different kids of farts exist.I myself am not only a writer but a member of the expert fart panel as well. The fart list is as follows:
1)Taco Bell farts. These farts are as unique as other farts. Taco Bell farts are three to five minute long farts that mysteriously happen about six hours after you eat a Burrito Supreme or two, and a soft taco or two, and are asleep, often awaking the offender about halfway through.
2)Italian Shooting Antipasto farts. These are quick but harmless, but shoot out at great velocity, like greased lightning. We use olive oil in and on everything. When I was a kid, I think my great grandmother might have put olive oil in my milk and in the syrup on my pancakes. These farts feel great with no spray side effects.
3)Spicy flamethrower farts. These farts are from Taco Shops that we have all over the the place. The food is great but a couple of good chili rellenos will burn going in your mouth and burn coming out. We highly recommend never to attempt these farts around young children or flammable things like foliage. It is always best to safely sit on an approved toilet with functional plumbing and running water.
4)Diarrhea farts. Never ever ever attempt a diarrhea fart anywhere other than on a safety rated working toilet. The blast often is expelled at high velocity in all directions, and the farter has no aim control with these. These are noticeable ahead of time and often accompanied with stomach pain.
5)Zip Code farts. Zip code farts are generally considered funny by small children and men of any age group, and are common at Football games, Poker night and buddies drinking beer by the lake eating pizza. This is without a doubt the best and most appreciated fart of them all. It is called a zip code fart because you can often hear them in the next town. Feel free to use full unmitigated force when bellowing out these rumbling beasts, as high carbohydrates remove any side effects of moisture or spray pattern damage.
6)Ear Popping farts. These are similar to Zip Code farts. Relatively low danger of bad side effects. This is when you haven't eaten all day or maybe a day and a half and feel a rumble mumble crumble feeling in your belly. This curses through your entire body, and you can even wait for it, because it will emit when it is ready, crackling through the body and making your ears pop when released.
7)Mommy farts. Mommy farts are hilarious. As I am a member of the fart panel, I can have some imput,and this is my contribution to the list. When young, my brother and I slept downstairs and mom was right next door. About once every night, she would go to the bathroom, As you know, all kids think farts or seeing their annoying little friend crash her bicycle are the funniest thing in the world. Mom would let these butt cheek rattling farts that echoed down the stairs through the whole house, making them sound even funnier, and they lasted a good 45 seconds to a minute in length. We laughed so hard we'd get into trouble but it was unavoidable for us little kids. We think she did it on purpose because she knew we loved it.
No disrespect meant to any mom's out there, moms fart like everybody else.
8)Vic's Sewer farts.A lifelong friend of mine and a few others on the fart panel discovered this strange phenomenon in tenth grade. Vic could fart at will anytime and everywhere in any situation. On a school bus, in a car, at the movies, in class, in the library, at lunch, it was terrible. He was so skilled at this, that they never made a sound. It was the most God awful foul smell you could ever imagine. Fifty times worse than an outhouse at a campsite. It was horrendous, and we knew by his smile he was ready to share. The smell was unbearable but we were a little prepared, every one left the room or library EVERY SINGLE TIME with us to follow. It was hilarious but unfathomable at the same time. The movie scenario was the worst, but the funniest. People would start gagging and run out of the theatre, while we moved away but laughed our heads off.
9)Accidental farts. These are bad, embarrassing and never good, and can cost you jobs, girlfriends, customers, friendships. This is when you know the fart is coming, are trying to hold it in, but can't get to a proper farting facility in time. You may be at work, on a date, in a store, you bend over to pick up the ravioli and capoosh, oh shit!! It came out. Your face is red, your blood pressure is rising, but you suddenly feel much better, say, ”Oops, well excuse the heck out of me, I'm sorry about that.” After this of course, two kids a few feet away can't stop laughing, one of them pushes out a fart too, then the other, and they run around the corner giggling, and the guy stocking the shelves can't stop chuckling either.
10)The Gooey Wet Dripping Running farts. This is the granddaddy of all farts,and a social killer because it always happens at the mall or another inconvenient public place. This is always committed by eleven to thirteen year olds. After spending the night at a friend's house, raiding the refrigerator, eating tons of microwave burritos and watching movies, the kids go to the mall the next morning. It is summer and they are wearing shorts.
One of them farts; the other tries to repeat the flatulent effect in response (You must be male to understand this) but only manages to shit on himself and it runs down his leg. The first kid runs away from him, poopy legs doesn't know what to do, so he runs after him, spraying brown juice everywhere in the mall.
This is my new favorite bitch. I want to take her some CranGrape and hula hoop with her for hours.
I don't know what in the hell Eminem is thinking, but apparently he thinks he has a time machine and his ass is in 2001! Because this shit looks like a previous Eminem video that he rolled around in a pile of 2009 to make it look current. I swear that fuckery like this makes me sick, because I know this douchebag will make millions off of it, and people will think that its so ORIGINAL and great. There is nothing original or great about Eminem!
Soooo my friend Chris took me to Rita's the other night after he has been talking about it for weeks and I decided to get a Mango Gelati; and let me tell you I am in love. It was AMAZING on so many levels.... it was extra cheap, the perfect amount of italian ice and custard, and it was so so very good! I also tried their new smores cream ice and it was also heaven in a cup! Everyone knows that I looooooove to eat, and that I try out new places as often as I can.... but this place is worth EVERYONE trying, if they haven't already! I'm just glad that I found four locations in Charlotte to hit up once I move there.... one of them not to far from where I'll be living and one of them is right near my new job... I see myself having to be lifted out of my house by a crane in 5...4...3...
Soooo, I went and saw Twilight originally with a friend when it debuted in theaters... and I thought it pretty much blew. The acting was horrible, the storyline was weak, and the acting was horrible. Yes, I know I said the acting was horrible twice. But it needed to be said twice. I can't believe that anyone can possibly say that they think that this horseshit is any good. It was so cheesetastic that I thought that I was watching it wrong or something. So I decided to give it another chance and watched it last night again on DVD. I don't know if it is even possible for it to suck worse than it did in the theater, but it did. I want to donkey punch the bitch that plays Bella, and I want to tell the dude that plays Edward that his overly dramatic faces are hilarious. The best part of the whole movie is when she almost gets hit by a car. But in my mind it went a lot differently. Anyhow, I have a lot of friends that are die hard Twilight fans, and I know that i will get some sort of angry email or text from them when they read this. But, I don't give a fuck. I watched this shit twice and it still was worse than watching an episode of Gilmore Girls.
So the bitches at wordle.net have came up with this shit. You can input your blog, twitter, or facebook url and they come up with a word cloud with the words you use most frequently. Apparently, I use the word gnomes a lot. I think I'll check this weekly to see what is the most important issue on my mind that week.
So I was watching the Tarheels beat the shit out of the Spartans the other night during the NCAA tournament when this fuckery came on. I am so concerned. The marketing person at Burger King who thought to bring Spongebob Squarepants and Sir-Mix-A-Lot together probably had a hit of of the wrong kind of acid before that idea popped up in their head. This commercial was born from that trip! I mean, I thought I was the only one who got a bad case of square ass. It happens when you have to much butt sex, but children don't need to know that! Damn! Now children are going to be running around the streets measuring each other's foam brick asses! Burger King is not right for this.
However, 99 cents for a kids meal is fucking cheap!!! I will be going to Burger King this week and getting me a kids meal. I don't know whats in it, but who gives a fuck? It's 99 cents and it comes with a toy.... Sign me up!
No, this isn't Sarah Jessica Parker as The Joker in the next Batman movie, it's the mini creature that will crash my dreams tonight and turn them into a nightmare.
Let me let you in on a little secret. I FUCKING LOVE CEREAL!!! So, I was pretty intrigued to try this new Banana Nut Cheerios that my friend Michelle (heeey boo) had been raving about and apparently had like 6 bowls of it in one sitting. So, being the great friend that she is, she bought me my very own box. And for the love of general mills, it is so amazing that I even drink the milk and lick the bowl when I am finished. If you are a cereal fan, you HAVE TO try this cereal! And in the unlikely event that you hate this deliciousness, you can give me the rest of the box. I will give you my address and you can send that shit to me.
You might want to hold off on buying a new cell phone! Because Apple is preparing to demonstrate iPhone Software 3.0 on Tuesday, March 17th. The new OS is rumored to be able to run applications in the background, support MMS, among other things. This is exciting news because traditionally Apple shows off its new iPhone Software in March, followed by new hardware in the June/July timeframe. What this means, is that more than likely we will see a new iPhone by summer. Exciting news - so like I said, you may want to hold off on your crackberry purchases for now!
Not only is this one of the hottest cars that I have seen in a while, it is also one of the most advanced. Jaguar’s XF is full of the usual bells and whistles on most sedans today. But it is the only sedan to boast a push button start that triggers a gear shift that raises out of the console area. (Pictured Below) This car does however steal some styling cues from Lexus and BMW. But It puts them together so nicely that no one should complain!
CHICK-FIL-A's ICEDREAM!!!!
Fergie, Fergie, Fergie..... why in the name of The Black Eyed Peas did you do this shit to your head? I had no idea this bitch was playing a witch as her next role. She looks like she should be cackling while offering up a wormy apple.
Well, it doesn't take much to make me want to punch a baby. But that is beside the point. I really do hate the new facebook. I mean, didn't they just update that shit not too long ago? I am already missing some of the features that I enjoyed witht he old facebook and it has only been a day since they changed it! The thing I miss the most is the live update feature. I am a facebook whore, so how in the hell am I supposed to keep up with shit if I have to refresh the page to get an update? Its bullshit! On top of everything, this shit looks EXACTLY like twitter now. Why didn't they just change the name to Facetwit?!
Bitch looks hot as fuck in this video for "If You Seek Amy"
Check it out!
Your monitor might be foggy from the extreme amounts of elegance floating off of these pictures. The eyebrows alone can get into any fine restaurant where dozens of admirers will champagne and dine them. This is what sophistication is. And I have feeling that's what got these pristine and refined ladies arrested by the mega haters known as the police. The Las Vegas Review Journal put out a photo spread of the 50 most gorgeous beauties in Las Vegas....who happened to get their asses arrested. What did they do you ask? Basically, they were too beautiful. Assault with elegance! Ravishing ladies have it so hard.
Okay, they were really arrested for whoring it out on the streets. But it's not what you think! They are all virgins! They know how many eyebrow worshipers there are in the world, so men from around the world travel to Las Vegas to pay these stunners to stare at their exquisite eyebrows up close. They are being punished for that because the city of Las Vegas really doesn't know how to handle natural beauty, so they cage it up!
This isn't the last we'll see of these hot bitches. Don't be surprised if you see them on the catwalks of Paris. And by "catwalks of Paris," I mean Rock of Love Bus.
Click here to feast your eyes on all the gorgeousness, but you might want to look at the fugly picture of Pam Anderson below in between viewings or you might go into cardiac arrest from being exposed to extreme amounts of beauty.
Okay, I'm all for a bitch doing what she has to do to get that pussy purring. If you got to go down to Home Depot and flirt with some power tools in hopes one might take you home and drill you down, FINE. But is a nut bust really worth turning your vagina into fucking shredded beef? The ho in this story answered a fuck yes to that question.
The 27-year-old woman of Saint Mary County in Maryland was airlifted to a hospital after a saber saw done fucked up her pussy. The woman and her dick for brains boyfriend decided it would be really fucking sexy to get all America Psycho on her vagina and fuck it with a "sex toy" (I'm assuming a dildo) attached to a saber saw. It wasn't long before the blade on the saw cut through the dildo and straight up turned her sugar walls into some BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT. The dumb bitch went from screaming "Oh baby" to "Oh baby my pussy fell off!!!!"
The bitch was released from the hospital on Monday. She told police that the idiotic sex act was consensual and no crime was committed. Yeah, tell that to her pussy. May it rest in fucking peace. A SAW UP YOUR PUSSY?! I mean, I hope that when they got home she took a power drill to his asshole so he can see how it feels. A SAW UP YOUR PUSSY? I still can't. She will never watch an episode of Home Improvement the same away.
What in the Muppet hell did Kermit the Frog do to this bitch to make her MURDER his entire family and make a coat and a little hat out of their carcasses?! I bet he gave her warts (down there) and she was a little pissed so she went on a rampage of sorts and did this horseshit. I really hope this bitch doesn't try to get her a Miss. Piggy coat because let me tell you, she has no problem cutting a bitch in a heartbeat.
So I had my iTunes on shuffle today and it played some pretty random shit. I think I even had some shit that I was unaware of. But when it played Ace of Base's The Sign, I turned that shit all the way up and sang and danced around like it was 1994 all over again! So I decided to look them bitches up and see what in the hell they are up to these days and was surprised to see them still looking EXACTLY the same! The blonde chick is no longer a part of the group. What kind of fuckery is that? I mean, who wouldn't want to be a part of Ace of fucking Base?! I'm sure they get treated like royalty all around the world. I bet they even get the fancy suite at the Super 8.
hanks Ace of Base. If I want to torture my ears, I will just listen to U2's new shitty album. It kind of made me sad to know that these assholes aren't still signing The Sign and Don't Turn Around and All That She Wants every chance they fucking get! I mean, if they wanted to tour, and do a set of just old school stuff, I would totally go. As long as the tickets were like 10 bucks. But seriously, who wouldn't go to see that shit?
I Love Sparkle.
Soooo my brother was supposed to bring over some food for us to eat while we watch the game, but instead he decided to get some Digiorno pizzas. Not only did it taste like shit, but I honestly thought I might blow pepperoni chunks everywhere. I don't know what kind of delivery these bitches are talking about this shit tasting like, but it wasn't pizza.
Just when we thought we were done with crazy white lady Michael Jackson,
First of all, I didn't burn down Taco Bell. Yet. This is a picture of when some other person that was in a fight with Taco Bell went over the edge. Anytaquito, there are 2 reasons I am in a fight with Taco Bell:"Later in the day, two Taco Bell reps arrived at the mansion and announced they had a delivery of four bags of food from Paris to the media. They then handed out taquitos and chips to everyone, including police officers."
I made the same face as the picture to the left when I watched the video, except my bangs didn't look like that! Seriously, who in the hell does Tonya Harding think she is? Not only does she think that people will pay money to come see her, she thinks that the fact that she tried to ruin Nancy Kerrigan's career makes her an American icon? Bitch please. Obama could care less that you are a piece of trash, but he knows that people in America dislike you, so he put your name in with a negative connotation for that reason. And while "all press is good press" may be true, that doesn't mean people even know that you are an Olympic skater, they just know that you are a loser piece of trash. And what the hell is going on with her bangs?
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