Garden Gnomes are going to eat my soul.

I am almost certain that gnomes were sent to earth by the devil to terrorize people and eat their souls. Just the other day, me and my friend Ashley were in Big Lots, and there was a collection of gnomes that were sure to eat you and your entire family's souls if you purchased them. These fuckers had shovels, wheelbarrows, and little tools to kill you with. They were hardcore street gnomes. And while I was terrified and prayed to the heavens for them to stop watching me, my friend finds them adorable.

So, I think about it and I have realized that some gnomes do indeed eat souls and steal essences... but there must be some gnomes that hypnotize people, and make them believe that gnomes are adorable. Those tricky bastards. Not to mention, I will be living in the same house with my friend Ashley... so I will be adding extra locks to my windows and doors to ensure that that some gnomey bastard doesn't crawl his little ass into my room at night and eat my soul or hypnotize me into thinking he isn't from the minions of hell.