Well, Ashley's housewarming was this past weekend and she received two of satans workers gnomes. I am getting extra security for my room immediately. I'm talking lasers and maybe even a deadbolt on my door. And fuck windows! I am going to brick that shit shut for life. They aren't the kind of gnomes that carry weapons, but that doesn't matter! The first one may look innocent but shortly after that picture was taken he decapitated that bird and ate his head, and the other one looks like a scary ass demon and he fucking is! They will be starring in my nightmares for a long, long time.

How lazy can people really get? I mean I thought that the segway was the final straw, you know being that it is the official vehicle of obesity. But no, we have the comfort wipe! Just in case you can't hold fucking toilet paper in your motherfucking hand, we now have a stick to hold it for you. Why would I need this, you may ask. Well, let me tell you why! YOU DON'T! Grab the toilet paper, hell even get you some ass wipes, and wipe your ass like a regular person!!! If I ever go in someone's house and see this contraption, I am going to beat the shit out of them with it, then they can wipe the shit I beat out of them off of their lazy ass with their fucking comfort wipe.

Can I please go one fucking day without hearing something about this dumb twat? I swear to silicone I read or see something about her every day, and I think its time for this shit-train to come to a complete stop and let this bitch off. I remember the days when you were "famous" because you were talented, not because you had no talent and detachable body parts.

Anyskank, apparently this bitch is going to be in Playboy in September. Now this I can be on board with! This is where dumb, blond, talentless hoebags with fake boobies belong. Not on TV, or trying to make music, or on the cover of regular magazines with no plastic cover. I'm glad she has finally decided to embrace her fate as a silent piece of eyecandy for millions of horny men around America. But if she tries so sing or act, RUN!

So I am always registering to win pointless crap. Because let's face it, I am one cheapskate bitch and I love me some free shit. But I never win. Ever. Well, today I got an email telling me that I had won a prize that I had registered for like a month ago.... I thought it was a scam until I went and saw that I had in fact won! I won a brand new Moxi DVR with a lifetime subscription anddd a lifetime subscription to Google Voice Mobile! I am so damn excited!

Not impressed with this album at all. I was expecting a little bit more of something, but its just not there at all. Its time for them to hang it up. I did like Imma Be, Missing You, and I gotta Feeling and I still think Boom Boom Pow is just ok... Decide for yourself and let me know what you think.

Black Eyed Peas - The E.N.D. (The Energy Never Dies)

Track List:

Disc 1:
01. Boom Boom Pow 5:08
02. Rock That Body 4:28
03. Meet Me Halfway 4:44
04. Imma Be 4:16
05. I Gotta Feeling 4:48
06. Alive 5:02
07. Missing You 4:34
08. Ring-A-Ling 4:32
09. Party All The Time 4:43
10. Out Of My Head 3:51
11. Electric City 4:08
12. Showdown 4:27
13. Now Generation 4:06
14. One Tribe 4:40
15. Rockin To The Beat 3:45

Disc 2: Bonus CD
01. Where Ya Wanna Go 05:08
02. Simple Little Melody 03:12
03. Mare 02:56
04. Dont Bring Me Down 03:12
05. Pump It Harder 03:52
06. Lets Get Re-Started 02:57
07. Shut The Phunk Up 04:20
08. Thats The Joint 03:48
09. Another Weekend 04:11
10. Dont Phunk Around 03:47

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1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
6. Unless you are served in a frosted glass, never come within 4 feet of my lips.
7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
13. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
14. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
15. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
16. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
17. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
18. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
19. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
20. There is a very fine line in dating between ‘being picky’ and ‘being alone forever’
21. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
22. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
23. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
24. Never lick a steak knife.
25. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
26. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

How funny is this shit? I saw this picture and about peed my pants. Apparently, Heidi and Spencer are on this season of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. They sure are playing it fast and loose with the word celebrity these days. Anyway, these douches have made it through 2 days of filming and have quit that bitch twice already. They are upset over the living conditions they are being "forced" to stay in annnnnd get this, they think that the other celebs that are on the show are very low caliber. Wait, the OTHER celebs are low caliber? Who do they have on there? Who is seriously lower caliber than Heidi and Spencer?! Also, Heidi was heard saying that they could have at least got a real celebrity, like K-Fed on the show. Hahahahahahaha..... I'm just going to leave it at that.

Well, I was watching the MTV Movie Awards, minding my own business and saw Megan Fox and thought 3 things:

• Why does her hair have jizz in it?
• When is she going to shower?
• What the fuck is going on with her eyebrows?

Now, I honestly think that Megan Fox is hot, normally, but here lately she has been looking like one of Paris Hilton's disease infested crabs. I don't know what kind of magic mirror she is looking in, but I am going to Target to get a full-length mirror for this bitch to see herself in. Anyway, I'm just hoping that this bitch gets off of this trip, and goes back to being hot like we expect her to be. This is just unacceptable.