I'm always joking around that some people (no names to be mentioned) can shit stars, rainbows and hearts. Well, now they really fucking can thanks to Poopy Time Fun Shapes! All they have to do is stick a plastic tube up their ass, squeeze them cheeks and out comes the fun!

If spewing out hearts and stars during caca times isn't your thing, you can also try The Turd Twister. They have over ten shapes to choose from! Everything from a moon turd to a Christmas tree turd. Seriously, it's not the holiday season until you've shat out a Christmas tree! The fun in your end never ends!

Read this as well!

When anyone mentions the NCAA tournament, I immediately get this grin on my face. Its because I am a diehard TARHEEL fan! This tournament belongs to the Heels this year, and I think they are going to be taking it all. I can't wait to see them cutting down the nets in Detroit this year... and they can defintely do it if they aren't plauged with injuries and stay healthy.

So, one of my favorite shows right now is The United States of Tara... it has everything you could want in a show! Tara, played by Toni Collette, is a woman with multiple personalities caused by a traumatic experience she had a camp as a teenager. She has a total of 3 "alter" personalities; T, Buck, and Alice. T is so air-humpingly hypersexual that you suspect you're witnessing a manic episode every time she's out in the world, Buck believes that he left his manhood on the battlefield in Vietnam. (This prompts the question of what this hick thinks he's doing to himself when enjoying his porn collection, but if we ask for more than a modicum of reality from this fiction, it will crumble.), Alice is an old-school homemaker, dressing like Betty Draper, baking like Betty Crocker, behaving like she's never heard of Betty Friedan, which she apparently hasn't.
There may be other "alter" personalities in the works as shown in recent episodes, but we'll see how that pans out...

So, anyone who knows me will tell you that I don't cry. Ever. But tonight's episode of Ugly Betty made me cry like a 13 year old girl at a Jonas Brothers concert... I honestly thought I was going to lose it when Molly told Daniel that she had cancer and was leaving him. And then he reacted the way he did, and it was just a big mess. I am so glad that no one was here to witness what could very easily be the gayest moment of my life. I sometimes expect to get a little choked up during Grey's Anatomy but during Ugly Betty?! I think I am experiencing some sort of chemical imbalance or something. Ok, now I have to watch Grey's and will probably cry into my pillow all night about something stupid on there too. I'll be turning my balls in tomorrow, first thing, for a vagina.

Update: Grey's was a rerun, so I'm in the clear.

I am just getting excited about X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Watch the trailer here. Who wants to go see it with me?

I don't know why I still watch The Hills, and every season I say that I am going to stop, but I always get hooked. But, I have heard that this will be the last season of it. So now I think its ok to watch it because I know that this is the last time I have to lie to my friends about why I can't talk to them or go out on a Monday night. Wait, I think I just blew my cover.

I still can't believe all of you reality tv fans have not caught on to RuPaul's Drag Race! It's a reality show that is kinda like a cross between America's Next Top Model and Project Runway.... but with drag queens. OMG! It is SO entertaining!! At the elimination round each week, the bottom two have to "lip sync for your life" and then RuPaul decides who goes and who stays. If you hear "Chante you stay" you're in. But if you hear "Sashay Away" you're out. OMG it's just too funny!!!! Oh... just noticed if you go to the link I posted, you can watch full episodes at your leisure.

I laughed so hard i cried at one of the episodes (the third one... during the lip sync elimination). I even busted out laughing just thinking about it while i was jogging this morning. Make time in your busy life to watch some of, if not all of, these episodes! They will really make your life.

Meet the lovely Jean Mansel from Oakfield Township, Michigan. Jean received what has to be one of the most hilarious ransom notes in history. It seems that a few of Jean's neighbors are pissed off, because they believe she's not picking up her dog's shit. They have kidnapped her statue of Jesus which was in her front yard and are holding it ransom. She received a phone call from a raspy voice. The voice told her to check her mailbox. She did and found this note:

“We are holding Jesus ransom until you clean up the poopie from your wieners and trust us we see you take your wieners for long walks w/out picking up their poopie in our yards. This has upset us dearly so please clean up all the weiner poopie, if you want to see Jesus unharmed. Sincerely, Lindy Lane Residents.”

I really hope Jean plans to put that shit on eBay, because I will bid on it, frame it and put it over my toilet. That note has so many things going for it: poopies, wieners and Jesus!

Jean claims she picks up her dog's shit and just wants her Jesus statue back. It's a family heirloom. She said, "It has to be a young person because they put these lines around Jesus, no adult is going to waste their time doing that. And referring to weiner poopie…my gosh."

In the name of wiener poopie! Give Jean her Jesus back!

What the fuck does Octomom have that makes her so interesting? What I ask?! I could care less about this dumb slut and her trials and tribulations of being a mom of like 14. She already had 6 fucking kids, then decides (while living with her mom and being jobless) to go have 8 embryos fertilized and see what would happen if she put them in her uterus. Then she acts like somebody owes her something?! She is owed something; a pimp slap right to the fucking face. I really hate people that do something really really stupid and then take their story around America, and we all eat it up. Enough already!!!

Anyslut, that's not even the point of this. My point is after all this shit with her 14 kids, this bitch is worried that the hosiptal won't let her take her 8 newborns home. No shit! They know that if they release those kids to her, that they will be shut down for giving 8 kids to a lunatic that looks like Angelina Jolie's ass lint!

Ok, so then I was over all that, and thought that maybe this bitch would disappear from the news and shit for good. And now the ho pulls this fuckery?! Bitch actually has the audacity to consider an offer to do porn!!! They offered her 2 million dollars!!! I thought we were in a recession?! I swear to the baby Jesus, who in the world want's to see this bitch, with her stretched out belly and disgusting ass face do porn? That is not hot, at all.

Her delusional ass said she has to consider it, because she needs the money because her stupid ass mom is about to lose her house. Well bitch, if you have 14 kids maybe you shouldn't be living with mommy anymore! Maybe you should consider sewing your shit up and finding a real job. Then she went on to say, she had the embryos implanted because she had so much love to give. You mean to tell me that your 6 fucking kids couldn't handle all of your love so your ass had to have 8 more?! Yeah, I don't get this shit either. Did this fucktard not get any lollipops or hugs as a child? This shit is not cute.

I'm going to get a first class ticket to delusionalville and slap this twat in the mouth. Enough is enough!

I saw this on Flight of the Conchords today and I had to share it. If you don't already watch this show, you are an idiot. Just kidding. But you really should watch it. Ashley got me hooked on one of my many many trips to Charlotte. I had been keeping up with it online and now I get it on my tv thanks to my new TiVo (see previous post).

Ok ok ok.... so I know I am always talking about how great my TiVo is. I mean, next to the microwave, I don't think I could live without it. I mean, I would give up the iPhone in a rash decision to save my TiVo. Well, recently I acquired the new Series 3 HDXL TiVo. It makes my little cold black heart grow like 20 sizes and skip beats. This thing, in all reality, is the only box you need. I mean, you just put a cable card in it, and you are done. So now I have digital cable, HD channels, and my basic cable coming through my TiVo box. And I know a lot of people will say, "well my cable or satellite box does that"... and then I kick them in the teeth and laugh at them.

The TiVo series 3 HDXL records 3 shows at once, has amazon unbox on it, which you can buy any movie and save it on your TiVo, it has YouTube, which you can download and watch any video on YouTube, not to mention you can upload and download songs and movies from your computer, and from your TiVo onto your computer/iPod, you can also order a Domino's Pizza directly from it, buy movie tickets, download music videos, and check traffic and weather conditions instantly.

It's this kind of innovation and compelling features that will keep me paying for TiVo. To me TiVo is much more than a simple DVR, which is all you really get from your piece of shit box from the cable company.

So, I love Taco Bell. Anyone that knows me, will vouch that I do indeed love Taco Bell. Not only do they have the best food on the planet, but they are always coming up with ways to make the food even better. Normally when I get Taco Bell, I order:

• Baja Chicken Chalupa
• Beef Gordita Supreme
• Nachos Bell Grande Meal
  
• Big Taste Taco
• Cinnamon Twists

But here lately, I have been switching it up when I run for the border... and let me tell you, it has been the best decision making skills I have shown in months. I love the new Platters (above) but even more than that, I love the value menu, shown below.

I also love that when you visit their website that they give you a Taco Bell street name. No, I'm not joking. Mine was D-Lux C. Taste. (Below)

I was also amused by the rapping coins... (below) that let you know just how cheap the value menu is, andddd they let you upload pictures of you and your friends, so that you are the ones in the coin heads. The rap is extremely catchy and hilarious. It's phat yo.

Each month I make a playlist of the songs I listen to the most.
Here is my list for this month.

Download it Here

Well in case the title didn't tip you off, I'm not sick anymore!!! I have exerciiiised the demons in my body and feel great today. I had no idea the amount of strange noises one's intestines could make! Anyway, after almost three days of not being able to eat anything, I sweated the last toxins out in a fever last night. I've already graduated to non-bland foods today with no ill effects!

I have to admit that I pretty much ignored everyone on the planet for the past couple of days and I was doing them a favor. I was a little bastard and they would have defriended me if they would have talked to me. Besides, I sounded like James Earl Jones with a frog in his throat, so I didn't need to be made fun of. I would have ripped someone's head off and ate it. Haha. It's funny because its true. If I did happen to talk to you over the past couple of days, and I was nice... just know that it means that I must really like you, a lot.

Anyway, now that my flu like virus has left the building, I am going to fix me some good food and hope that it doesn't mess up my stomach. Wish me luck!

A new concept video has surfaced showing off what appears to be a much nicer way to manage your iPhone apps within iTunes. Moving and rearranging your apps directly on your iPhone is likely manageable for most people, however there are plenty of us who often have way more than we should, and whatever your reason is, it makes it hard to properly arrange them.

This concept shows a new method that would allow you to arrange and organize the app layout on your iPhone using iTunes. It would allow you to move a single app, move multiple apps, sort different and even move entire screens.

Of course, there is no telling whether Apple would ever offer something like this, in the meantime we can watch the video below and hope.

I freakin love spaghetti o's!!!!!!!!!!!! I could live off of spaghetti o's, fudge rounds, and cheerwine for the rest of my life!!! I have been sick now for a couple of days, and tonight when I ate my spaghetti o's, it made me feel so much better :) I pretty much love all kinds of spaghetti o's except for the ones with franks cut up in them. That shit makes me want to blow chunks.

As much as I love spaghetti o's, I must have them to be microwaved. My friend Kim eats that shit straight out of the can!!! Now, I will eat some shit cold... pizza, chicken, etc.... but spaghetti o's cold is just wrong. I mean, it only takes like 2 or 3 minutes for them things to get warm... and if you can't wait that 2 or 3 minutes, then you have bigger problems than eating cold spaghetti o's.

Also, spaghetti o's are VERY recession friendly! They are less than $1 for a can and I get them at Sam's Club for even cheaper than that! I get 8 cans for $6!!! Now, I know a lot of people like Chef Boyardee shit. And I am here to tell you that I had rather eat ass cheese than to eat chef boyardee ANYTHING!!! That mess smells like sweaty armpits and tastes like old socks. It is not worth the extra 30 cents per can.

I have finally realized why the judging room on RuPaul's Drag Race looks so frosty! It's because they beam them all up into heaven to shoot this part of the show. It seriously looks like a dream taking place on heaven's clouds. And it pretty much is. My absolute favorite part of the entire show is the catwalk showdown. If I could curl up next to that segment forever, I would be happy.

Jenny Shimizu, the trollop who is most famous for slurping up St. Angie's holy juices, was one of the guest judges and she too fell in love with my favorite Bebe Zahara Benet. Bebe makes me want to rob a Zales at gunpoint so I can drape her in fine jewels. If you ever had to run from the police, you'd want that bitch right along side you. Hopefully, in that outfit.

And I'd really wish Shannel would cover up that ass already! Bitch, we get it! You've got an ass that makes the Kardashians fart bubbly tears of jealousy. Now cover it up, put on a pantsuit and go sell some Huggable Hangers on HSN. Seriously, Shannel belongs on HSN. I see two words in her near future: FLEX PAY.

After the catwalk showdown, Ru announced the winner of the challenge. The challenge was to make a MAC Viva Glam commercial. In case you don't know, the proceeds of all Viva Glam products go into an HIV/AIDS fund. Ongina ended up winning the challenge for her "Celebrate Life" campaign. Ongina broke down and started crying. Just when I was about to shout, "Bitch, get it together," she revealed that she's been living with HIV for the past two years. She didn't want to say anything, because her family doesn't even know. Ongina went to say, "You have to celebrate life."(Clip Below)

I feel like the gayest person on the planet for watching this show! But I couldn't care less because I can't stop watching this shit.

With Ciara's next album Fantasy Ride being released in less than a month, a lot of her singles and demos for her album are being leaked. Some of them (Taking Back My Love, Turntables, Work, and Never Ever) have been really good tracks and I can see them going far. However, this latest track (Love Sex Magic) is a dud. The lyrical aspects are not that bad, but the music is lagging big time. You be the judge and let me know what you think :)

Check it Out
and check out
The rest of the leaked tracks

So I feel like warmed over horse shit today and I pretty much want to die. I thought I was taking mucinex because that is what I asked my dad to bring me up while I am dying in the bed for the past couple of days. Well instead of mucinex, he was bringing me metamucil! Meta-fucking-mucil!!! So for almost 2 days I have been taking fiber for my congestion. No wonder I have been shitting like its my destiny. Well, I have been sleeping for the past 16 hours on and off, so I am wide awake now... I guess I will fix me something to eat and watch Knocked Up.

I was recently introduced to the China Town Buffet in Morrisville. It is seriously one of the best chinese buffets I have been to. Not to mention it is only like $14! That includes all you can eat chinese food and sushi. Now, I usually refuse to eat sushi from a buffet, but this looked fresh, so I thought I would give it a try. It was actually pretty good! It let's you get a variety of sushi without having to get an entire roll. Which is something I really like to do. The spicy salmon roll was REALLY good. Thanks Chris for introducing me to my new favorite place to eat!

www.chinatown-nc.com

I went and saw Coraline this past weekend with a friend and it was really awesome. I knew it would be, since the guy that directed The Nightmare Before Christmas, Henry Selick, was the director. It was one of the best animated movies I have seen in a long time. The 3-D aspect was ok, but the movie would have been just as good without it.

I suggest you go see it if you like Tim Burtonesque style films, dark with a sarcastic undertone. You don't have to be a fan of animated films at all either. Although the animation was awesome :).

~ Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown ~

I can’t believe it’s been over 4 years since Green Day was on the scene with their smash album American Idiot. This May, the guys are coming back with their 8th studio album 21st Century Breakdown. Exciting! The first single to drop from the album is the title track of the album, and although I have yet to hear it, apparently there’s a demo of the track floating around the net… can’t wait till May, I sure have missed them. Hopefully they can top American Idiot; truly a classic album.

Some of you must be shocked to see the full album here, the first single "Zero" is not even out, but here we have the full new album by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs!,"It's Blitz" is the name of this new album, produced by Dave Sitek along with Nick Launay, it's definitely another amazing job by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs!, I love every single track on the album, I'm sure this already is one of my favorites of 2009, I highly recommend this to everyone.

Check it Out!

I have always wanted to travel, just about anywhere. But on my list of places I really want to go, is California. So, now that I have the time to go, I am definitely taking advantage of it. My uncle works for a multinational corporation that requires him to move around constantly, and he is currently in Pasadena for about a year. I asked him if I could come and visit and he is flying me out there to finally get to see California. I am so excited and just can't wait to get there! If anyone has been to Pasadena, San Diego, or Burbank let me know of places I will want to go! I will be there for 10 days, and I want to do as much as possible... for as FREE as possible.

Kelly Clarkson's new album "All I Ever Wanted" leaked late last week, and I must say that it is a really solid effort from her. Her last release "My December" had 1 or 2 decent songs on it, but it was just not what you would expect to hear from Kelly, which I think was what she wanted. But it blew up in her face.

So now with this new release, I think she will redeem herself and she will get much praise for this entire album. Standout tracks are; My Life Would Suck Without You, I Do Not Hook Up, Already Gone, If I Can't Have You, and Impossible. You must check it out and buy it when its released on March 10th.

Check it Out

Okay, I used to have a blog about a year ago and it has subsequently been deleted or lost or whatever. Now I am starting a new blog, with funny stories, music news, celebrity stuff, tech news, and other stuff that I am interested in. I usually update weekly, but sometimes I am bored and it gets updated like 10 times a day.

So... Stay tuned, and let me know what you think.